What do I do when I've been with a man I love for three years, but unexpectedly meet another man whom I believe is my true soul mate. Nothing is wrong with my current relationship - we have a lot in common and love each other very much, although there is little passion from him and no real spiritual connection. This new man seems to have an intense spiritual connection with me. He seems a very advanced soul and I am drawn to him physically, mentally and spiritually. Just having spent a small amount of time with him, I feel a more accepting, compassionate and confident person.

The attraction is reciprocated, yet he doesn't wish to break up my current relationship by acting on these emotions. Yet synchronous events all seem to be pointing his way for me. My current partner is also quite depressed at the moment due to work shortage, so it is not a good time to present him with another (quite devastating) problem. I feel terrible about my new emotions yet also don't want to miss an amazing opportunity. What should I do?

S. Melbourne, Australia.


Your question is a searching one and at the end of the day you are the most capable person to respond adequately. But let me share a few thoughts you may wish to consider:

Living with a person for even up to some years, as you have, does not guarantee either love or mutual discovery. The deeper potential that any two people possess, especially the potential to commit deeply and lovingly, is only awakened when that commitment takes place beyond 'one's control' e.g. when one commits irrevocably ? through the commitment of a wedding. Ironically this seems to many to be a mere formality ? an afterthought or a footnote! Yet, it is at the wedding that the realization truly dawns that your respective fates are fully intertwined, denying you even the possibility of an immediate 'escape clause'. Only in this setting will the deepest potential be realised.

So here you are, discovering that the passion is lacking, three years after living with a man ? a man that you think you love. But you haven?t passed the test of true commitment, so whether it is true love cannot be assessed. True love cannot be ignited in what is commonly called an 'open relationship'

Yet you do have an obligation not to hurt or inflict emotional pain, on someone whom you have dedicated three yours of your life to, especially given the circumstances of his life currently. So it seems to me that you should discipline yourself in the interim, and certainly not 'two-time' behind his back. I am sure you recognise this to be nothing less than cheating. When the moment is right, and you have the courage to be up front, then break the relationship, and do ensure that the next one you will honour with depth and commitment to the point of choosing to be bound up with that individual, rather than spending a life time of 'exploration'. The success in love lies not in the emotion, but in the commitment.

Hope these few thoughts help crystallise your own thinking - and feeling.